In This Article

• Why our need for control creates stress and fear
• How trusting the heart differs from following the programmed mind
• What floating on water teaches us about surrender and trust
• How fear-based decisions disconnect us from joy
• Learning to let life guide us instead of forcing outcomes 

A friend who borrowed my car the other day came back amazed and impressed by a discovery he had made. Because the car has driver-assist, when you put it in cruise control, it basically drives itself. When you come up to a vehicle ahead of you, it slows down to match its speed. If the car in front slows and stops, the car, while on cruise control, does the same. You don’t have to brake. You don’t have to do any actual slowing down. The car's operating system is in control.

The only thing you have to do as the driver is keep your hands on the wheel and trust. Basically, you have to let go of the vehicle's controls. Of course, you still need to watch for red lights and other drivers, since the car’s driver-assist hasn’t mastered that yet.

As I reflected on this, I did what I often do: looked for the life lesson and comparison. External experiences mirror our inner life. And it occurred to me that putting the car on cruise control is very much like putting our mind and consciousness into a state of trust. We are still present. We still have our hands on the wheel. We can change direction at any moment. Yet we are willing to trust life to guide us along a path that feels smoother, more aligned, and that contains less stress and resistance.

I know that some think letting go is weak and constitutes giving up our power. And in some cases, that is true. One should not give up power over their life to other individuals, entities, medical personnel, governments, etc.

Yet, there are things that, in order to experience happiness and inner peace, we must let go of. Letting go of fear. Letting go of judgment. Letting go of resentment, anger, and blame. These are not losses. They are liberations.

Resistance, Friction, and Stress

Our mind often resists letting go. Our brain has been carefully programmed by parents, education, religion, and society to believe it knows best. It insists there is only one “right” way, and that way involves logic, control, planning, effort, and struggle. Yet my own life experience has shown me that the programmed mind is rarely the best guide to happiness. It is full of shoulds that do not mesh with who we truly are.

The mind and the ego place great value on money, appearances, productivity, time pressure, fear, and doubt. Decisions made from that framework often lead to stress, competition, and a constant postponement of joy. We then are living for a future that may never arrive, believing that peace and happiness are rewards to be earned later.

However, when I am willing to let go of what society says should make me happy, I become free to walk my own path. And that path leads to a more profound joy, a steadier peace of mind, and a deeper connection to my own inner guidance rather than the louder voices of the world.

Letting go, however, is not always easy. It requires trust. It requires faith in life and in ourselves. It requires the courage to step into an unknown future rather than cling to familiar patterns. Most of all, it requires self-love. We have to care enough about ourselves to honor what feels best for us.

Floating with Trust

One of the clearest examples of letting go of control is floating on your back. Whether in a pool, a lake, or the ocean, floating requires surrender. You must lie flat, relax your body, and let go of the impulse to control. You have to trust the water to support you, to hold you, and to keep you safe.

I truly understood this when I was teaching both a six-year-old child and a woman in her fifties how to float. The child learned quickly. After a few attempts, with my hand on his back so he felt supported, I gradually removed my hand, and he floated easily, supported by the water itself.

The woman, as might be expected, had a much harder time. Letting go, relaxing, and trusting did not come easily. Watching her struggle made me realize that what came so easily to me was not necessarily easy for others.

I also realized how much I love floating on my back. I love the complete relaxation, gazing at the sky, and allowing the forces of life to hold me, to support me. It's a complete state of letting go of control.

Floating on your back is freeing. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to control anything except, of course, your thoughts, your fears, and your lack of trust. That may be a big challenge, but once you master it, the reward is profound.

And So It Is with Life

Once we stop trying to control every detail, micromanaging every outcome, and forcing things to happen, peace of mind becomes possible. Thinking you have to plan every step, every decision, and every direction is exhausting. It is also unnecessary.

We already have a built-in guidance system. A kind of inner GPS and cruise control that lives not in the mind, but in the heart as well as in the gut. When we listen to the heart, or to our gut feelings, we don’t need to analyze endlessly. We tune in and notice what feels right, what feels loving, what feels supportive of our own dreams.

This way of living is rarely taught. Parents, schools, and society train us to follow rules that were handed down unquestioned. But perhaps the question we never asked is whether those rules actually brought happiness to those who followed them. Looking around at the state of the world today, it seems obvious they did not.

A line from a song, written by Graham Nash and made popular by Crosby, Stills, and Nash, comes to mind: "Teach your children well, their father’s hell did slowly go by..."

If the paths our parents and grandparents followed did not bring peace or joy, then it makes sense to question those paths and those rules. We always have the choice. We can repeat old patterns, or we can be willing to try something new.

Following the Pied Piper?

Do we follow the dictates of society, or the quieter guidance of our heart? Do we choose what brings joy and love, or what we believe will bring security, approval, or safety? True fulfillment requires letting go, not only of the control we place on ourselves, but also the control imposed from outside through expectations, values, and judgments.

No one else can know our path. Only the heart knows. It is our inner truth, the only voice truly aligned with our highest good. Everything else is noise, trying to drown out the song of the heart.

To hear that song, we must release fears, doubts, and deeply ingrained programming laid down over generations. These layers of conditioning keep us from living in harmony with ourselves and with others.

So I encourage you to listen to the authority of your heart and the messages from your gut. When you reach a crossroads, ask which direction feels more fulfilling, more loving, more alive. Let go of the belief that the “right” choice is the one that earns more money, feels safer, or meets society’s approval. Those measures rarely lead to happiness and true freedom. They often become chains of obligation and shoulds.

Ask instead which choice would make your inner child smile. Which choice brings a sense of ease and authenticity.

Your True Self Knows Best

Not long ago, I faced a major life decision. My mind was busy cataloging reasons, mostly based on fears and doubts. I was tired, unwell, and allowed my decision to be guided by insecurity. That night, I made my choice and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, there was no joy. I felt heavy and discouraged. As I reflected, it became clear that the decision I had made did not honor my heart. It was rooted in fear, not truth.

When I reversed that decision, relief and peace returned almost immediately. I had stepped off a fear-based path and back onto one guided by trust and inner knowing.

This is the invitation life offers us again and again. To notice where joy flows and where it does not. Areas of restriction, obligation, or despair point directly to where control needs to be released.

Letting Life Support Us

When we allow life to support us, like water supporting our floating body, we are guided toward greater well-being. This requires trust. It requires faith. And it requires letting go of fears inherited from generations before us.

Looking at the world today, it is clear that the old ways, rooted in fear, greed, and domination, do not lead to happiness. Recognizing this gives us the strength to choose differently, so that our parents’ struggles do not become our own, nor our children’s.

Our children and grandchildren are learning from us, just as we learned from those before us. May they learn that another way is possible. One based on love rather than greed, on cooperation rather than competition, and on connection rather than separation.

We will not always get it right. That is part of life and learning. What matters is the direction we choose again and again: towards love, towards trust, towards the wisdom of the heart.

The path to a more peaceful world begins within. It begins when we stop trying to control life and instead allow ourselves to flow with it. When we ask, what feels right? What feels loving? What feels joyful?

That is when we place our life on cruise control, stay present with our hands on the wheel, and allow the current of life to carry us where we truly belong.

Recommended Books:   

* Present, Not Perfect: A Journal for Slowing Down, Letting Go & Enjoying the Present

Author: Aimee Chase

This guided journal helps you slow down, quiet the noise of perfectionism, and reconnect with what truly matters in your life. Through reflective prompts and mindful exercises, it supports the very process of letting go of stress and emotional clutter—key themes in the above article about releasing control and listening to the heart. It’s especially good for readers who want practical, day-to-day engagement with life rather than just theory.
Order here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250147751?tag=innerselfcom

* Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?: Simple Lessons for a Meaningful Life

Author: Dr. Julie Smith

This book delivers accessible, evidence-based insights into mental habits that hold us back, such as rumination, doubt, and self-criticism—many of the same internal barriers are described in the above article on trust and surrender. Dr. Smith’s guidance helps readers shift from fear-based thinking to clearer self-understanding and intentional living, making it a strong companion read for anyone seeking deeper peace and self-trust.

Order here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0063227932?tag=innerselfcom

* Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life

About The Author

Grounded in personal mastery and intentional living, this book presents principles for breaking free from limiting beliefs and self-doubt—concepts that echo the above article about letting go of programmed thinking. This book encourages readers to transform fear into purposeful action, aligning their choices with inner values rather than external expectations. It speaks directly to trusting life’s unfolding, not controlling it.

Order here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C8G5R5FZ?tag=innerselfcom

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal empowerment, and inner well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of love. joy, and creativity.

Article Recap

Letting go of control means releasing fear-based thinking and trusting the wisdom of the heart. When we stop forcing outcomes and listen inwardly, life flows with greater ease, peace, and joy. True fulfillment comes from surrender, not struggle.

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#innerpeace #selftrust #consciousliving #livingwithpurpose
#emotionalhealing #personalgrowth #spiritualgrowth